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God. i hate myself so much sometimes.

HOW HARD IS IT TO GET OVER A GUY?

Hard......�really hard if �he was your first. Right? The first is the hardest and deepest?

It's been 2 years since we "brokeup" and not talked.

I still get the jitters when i see him, i still look down to avoid his eyes. I tell myself everytime I feel something that it shouldn't feel like this anymore because... its done?�

When will i ever get over him?

ANyways.

WOOT. I�think i can my learners now. woot woot

okay.. no matter what i talk or think about. IT ENDS UP BACK IN THE SAME PLACE..

HIM

okay. gonna go watch some House. maybe it'd get my mind of him.

=(

love ..

blahbee

Agh. I can't take it anymore! My corsette is missing! And I looked EVERYWHERE!!! I bet HE took it!

the party was fun.

alannah and I aren't fighting really anymore...

at least I think everything is cool with us.

Currently:

Listening to: Rain, Thunder and Barbeque Stain by Tim Mcgraw.

Reading: These words, and a story on quizilla called "A Royal Pain In The Ass... And I Have To Marry Him?" It's pretty good.

other than that I'm bored.

I want something to do.

I'm on my sister's laptop again by the way.

I love it. :)))))

comment

(6/7/09)� Justin is my 4 year old son.� I am starting this journal to record the cute, silly, and sometimes amazing wisdom that comes out of an "old soul" of a boy.� The other day, Justin says on the way home from his preschool. "You know, everyone wants to be my friend, the ones who are older than me, the smaller one, and even the one who are same age as me...I�have too many friends."� At home he says, "I�try to be nice to everyone...I do it by always thinking that 'I am good'."� When I asked him who told him this, he says, "my truck friends who live in the sky."� He says that his truck friends are God's helpers and that they can talk directly to God...Justin is not very assertive, but is trying...when I�reminded him how shy he was in the beginning, he says, "I am too assertive now and when people are too assertive, they cannot remember when they were not assertive..."

My world has spun out of control,

All because of that 'lil troll...

No one can keep their mouths shut these days,

Everythings turned into a foggy haze...

I�laugh as they spread false tales!

Is this another bad attempt at blackmail?

�

They always seem to set me up,

With all of their anoying gossip...

I should have known,

That they had no life of their own!

�

Why do they insist on doing this to me?

Watch, and you'll realize you've hurt me deeply!

Please dont roll you eyes,

This has happened�way to many times...�

�

How can you believe them over me?

This situation is so shity!!

Do I dare ask why?

Or will the truth just make me cry...?

�

�

Justin is my 4 year old son.� I am starting this journal to record the cute, silly, and sometimes amazing wisdom that comes out of an "old soul" of a boy.� The other day, Justin says on the way home from his preschool. "You know, everyone wants to be my friend, the ones who are older than me, the smaller one, and even the one who are same age as me...I�have too many friends."� At home he says, "I�try to be nice to everyone...I do it by always thinking that 'I am good'."� When I asked him who told him this, he says, "my truck friends who live in the sky."� He says that his truck friends are God's helpers and that they can talk directly to God...Justin is not very assertive, but is trying...when I�reminded him how shy he was in the beginning, he says, "I am too assertive now and when people are too assertive, they cannot remember when they were not assertive..."

I'm working on it as much as I can but it is difficult.� I think some of it has to do with the medication and then there is just the situation as it is.�

I should have never gone back to the Yahoo boards. The harassment is never ending.� I feel like I have a hole in my heart big enough to drive a truck through.� I should never go back but I can't seem to help myself.

I don't feel like writing much today.� Last night was so difficult I woke up feeling terrible. Just when I think things are better it seems I have a relapse.

I don't feel like doing anything today.� I feel defeated. Robert will be here soon for breakfast and I need to get dressed.�

I can tell it's going to be a full moon.� I'm so exhausted.� I think I will go back to bed and skip breakfast.

Maybe I'll write more later.

Seeing and Hearing

It's not like I cant see,

For I know that they write about me...

They whisper as I walk by,

God,�I could just cry!

It's not like I ment for this,

Please dont let me reminence!

For this is just another tragic tale,

That only ends in betrayle...

Suprise!

I�hear them scream,

Do you know what�they've done to me?

Suprise suprise, your mad again,

Do you think this will be the end?

Maybe I'll just walk away,

No, I wont come back another day...

Please just shoot me now!

Then turn around and take your bow...�

It gets lonely at times but i know i have something to look forward to. Im completely determined to make my dreams come true. I feel grounded everyday, it will be nice to be able to see friends, go shopping or to the cinema. I will stay focused and pray